One Night Stand
by spacemonkey69
Summary: Chandler and Rachel connect, in the most unexpected way...One shot, please read and review!


Just a short story I concocted in bed last night, while I was trying to sleep...yeah, right...like I could sleep! Please read and review and I love you! (also, love scenes are my achillies heel...soo)

I do not own friends/actors/characters...but I will soon, once my diabolical plan is put into motion...and I get the restraining order taken off...I tell you, you hide in Matt Perrys shower ONCE and they get all huffy!

* * *

Lips met.

Passion grew stronger by the second; fingers leaving trails of heat wherever they ventured.

A moan escaped her slightly parted lips as he explored her body; first with his hands, then with his lips. Her body writhed in want, desperate to have him closer. Desperate to feel him inside her.

Lips met once more, their naked bodies thriving; hands exploring sweat slicked skin. She reached down between them and grasped his-

"Damn Rach, you are _good _at turning me on!"

Rachel let out a surprised gasp, not noticing Chandler's presence until it was too late; until he had spoken. Obviously, he had already read it. Still, she quickly shut the laptop, heat rising up her neck.

"Oh no, it's closed. Now I can't remember what was written," Chandler said sarcastically, and Rachel knew he was smirking. She turned around to face him, not surprised to find that she had been right. A small smirk was spread across his face.

"What the hell do you think you are doing? This is private, Chandler!"

"Oh I'm sorry; I didn't mean to check what my friend was using _my _computer for!"

"Yeah, well you better be sorry," Rachel muttered under her breath, turning back to the closed computer. She stared at it for a moment, then turned back to Chandler. "I was just seeing if I had improved since last time, that's all!"

"Well, seeing that there was no mention of heaving beasts and niffles, I think you are doing okay." Chandler took a seat next to Rachel, still smirking. She rolled her eyes.

"Don't make fun of me!"

"I'm not making fun of you!"

"Yes you are and if you're not careful, I might have to get my payback."

"What are you going to do?"

"I know where your porn is kept; I'll show the others," Rachel laughed, then stopped when Chandler simply raised an eyebrow.

"Rach, everybody knows where my porn is kept…it really wouldn't be that big a deal."

"Oh…well…" Rachel scanned her mind for something damning against Chandler – something that the others wouldn't know – but came up empty handed. The group simply knew each other too well. While she had been thinking, Chandler had opened the laptop back up and reread her story. "Hey! Hey!"

"What? It's not like I haven't read it!" Chandler exclaimed.

"Yeah, about that, we have to talk about getting you louder shoes! How did you manage to sneak up on me so well?"

"Probably because you were getting so hot and heavy over your two lovebirds! I don't think you would have noticed if Brad Pitt walked into the door," Chandler commented. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, I'm stuck anyway…and I haven't even got to the part where I talk about her heaving _beasts. _Oh, I'm a horrible writer." Rachel covered her face in her hands.

"You're not a horrible writer. _Joey _is a horrible writer. _You, _you are doing great!" Rachel glanced at Chandler, a small smile spreading across her face.

"You think?"

"Hey, it turned me on."

"Yeah, but that really isn't hard."

"And you would know that how?"

"Okay, change of subject!" Rachel clapped her hands together, then glanced at the computer screen despondently. "Okay, still stuck."

"Hmm…" Chandler reached over and hit backspace a couple of times.

"Hey!"

"I'm helping here, don't hey me! First off, get rid of the reaching and replace it with…" Rachel watched as he typed 'he entered her, a gasp leaving both their lips'.

"Oh, good! You sure seem to know how to write porn!"

"I got only the best talents from my mother," Chandler said dryly.

"I can see that…oh!" Rachel started to type 'blue eyes stared into her blue green ones for a moment, both savouring the feeling of being connected. He then began to move'.

"Nice!" Chandler patted Rachel on the back. She grinned at him.

"Okay, this is fun again! Your turn!"

* * *

"Throbbing manhood!"

"Lovestick!"

"Throbbing manhood!"

"_Lovestick!"_

_Throbbing manhood!"_

"Whoa!" Chandler and Rachel both turned to find Joey standing in the doorway, an amused and confused look on his face. "What sort of argument are we having here?"

They stared at Joey for a moment, then turned back to face each other.

"Lovestick sounds like something corny out of a racing car movie!" Chandler exclaimed.

"Well, throbbing manhood sounds just…I don't know what!" Rachel screamed back.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Joey asked as he set his jacket on the foosball table. "Shouldn't you two be off your lunch break by now?"

"We didn't go back to work," Chandler explained, never once taking his eyes off of Rachel's red face.

"What?"

"We did this instead."

"Argued about what I can only guess are metaphors for male genitals?" Rachel and Chandler both looked at Joey once more, surprised expressions on their faces. "Yeah, that's right, I pay attention sometimes too! So, what the hell are you guys doing?"

"We're writing porn," Rachel explained, looking flushed. Joey raised his eyebrow.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Cool! Can I play?"

"What? There is no _playing _Joey. This is serious work!" Rachel exclaimed.

"Well, it _was _playing until she turned it into work," Chandler muttered.

"You were the one who wanted to continue on to the barn scene!"

"I liked the thought of rolling around in the hay! And besides, you were insisting on having a shower scene, and they had to get dirty for that somehow!"

"They were already sweaty! That was dirty enough to permit a shower scene!"

"You said you liked that barn scene!"

"I do!"

Then why are we arguing!"

"I don't know!"

Joey watched, wide eyed as Chandler and Rachel both stopped screaming at each other, then went back to the computer screen. "Okay…you guys have spent _way _too much time around one another…I'm going to have a shower."

"Okay," Chandler said absently, never once taking his eyes off of the computer screen.

"Oh Joey…when you shower, what do you wash first?" Rachel called suddenly. Joey frowned, stopping in the bathroom door.

"I don't know…my chest I guess."

"I told you!" Chandler snapped. "You have to get your mind out of the gutter." Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Coming from the guy who wrote three pages on a woman's naked appearance."

"Least she didn't have any heaving beasts."

"Nor did she have a throbbing manhood."

"Or a lovestick?" Chandler snarled.

"It's better then your suggestion!" Rachel yelled, eyes wide and blood shot from staring at the screen for hours.

"It is not!"

"Guys! I'm gonna save you the trouble of going through this again!" Joey shouted over their voices. They both looked at him expectantly. "You're both crazy." With that, he closed the door behind him. Chandler and Rachel glanced at one another; the same question on both their lips.

"How does that help?"

* * *

"One Night Stand," Ross read aloud, then glanced at Chandler and Rachel quickly, before looking back at the papers in his hand. "You guys wrote this? When?"

"Today."

"And yesterday," Rachel added.

"And all last night." The two looked slightly jittery, and Ross assumed that was most likely from the coffee they had consumed. He decided to ask anyway.

"And how much coffee did you guys drink?"

"I don't know…like, a million!" Rachel exclaimed, smiling wildly. Chandler nodded in agreement. The rest of the group glanced at Ross, unsure of what to say.

"It's…very long," Monica commented after a moments silence.

"Uh huh! A hundred and forty eight pages!"

"But it's called One Night Stand," Phoebe said after a beat.

"Yeah? So?"

"So is it actually about a one night stand, or did you guys just think the title was spiffy?"

"Its about a one night stand…"

"You wrote a hundred and forty eight pages about one night?" Joey exclaimed. Rachel and Chandler nodded. "How?"

"It was a very long night…with the barn scene being particularly long-"

"But not as long as the rooftop scene!" Rachel exclaimed. "Now, read it!"

"Now?" Ross whined, flipping through the abundance of paper in his hand.

"Yes now! We want to hear what you think!"

"Shouldn't you guys get some sleep?" Monica asked. Rachel shook her head.

"Oh, no! We have to go work on the sequel!"

"Yeah! You guys read; we'll go write!"

"We're gonna need more coffee though."

"Well, duh!"

Rachel and Chandler headed towards the door, both grinning at one another. Joey smirked.

"By the way, did you guys ever figure out what to call _it_?"

"We decided on erection," Rachel called over her shoulder.

"Oh, that's a shame…I liked Chandler's suggestion."

"You what?" Rachel spun on her heel, eyes ablaze. "You like his throbbing manhood?"

Monica and Phoebe exchanged a glance at her phrasing, both covering their mouths to stop their giggles.

"Of course he did, it was the superior choice," Chandler said smugly.

"Oh, it so was not!"

"Yes it was! So much better then _lovestick_!"

"Lovestick was superior!"

"Throbbing manhood!"

"Lovestick!"

"Throbbing manhood!"

"_Lovestick!"_

Joey leaned back in his chair, a small smile on his face. The others looked at him in surprise.

"Now look what you've done!" Monica exclaimed over their arguing. Joey nodded.

"I know…isn't it fun?"

"Well…yeah!"

"You guys wanna go get some coffee?" Phoebe suggested.

"Sure." They all stood up, grabbing their coats and heading towards the door. Their steps faltered as they approached the feuding twosome.

"What about those two?" Ross asked.

"I think they've had enough coffee," Monica remarked.

"Yeah, and I don't think they will even notice that we weren't here." Everybody nodded at Joey's comment, then walked around the two. As they walked down the hallway, they could still hear the shouts coming from the apartment.

"_Throbbing manhood!"_

"_Lovestick!"_

"Man, porn brings out the best in people, doesn't it?" Joey exclaimed, clapping Ross on the back. He laughed.

"You got that right!"


End file.
